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submitted by lookiyu to choooses [link] [comments]

Sympathy for the Drow - De-Vilifying the Dark Elves

The "Evil" races in DnD have always rubbed me kinda the wrong way. Partly once I learned that a lot of them come from racist stereotypes (Orcs, Drow, and Goblins in particular) and also just because it doesn't make sense to me. Even Nazi Germany had variation and dissenters and it only lasted for 12 years. Why would a clearly evil society never change over hundreds of years? In my opinion, a story is only as good as it's villains. So, I've set out to try and make the traditionally evil races slightly more believable and even sympathetic in places.
Now, I've not been a DM very long, only like three years. But the first campaign I ever ran was through Curse of Strahd which paints the Vistani (an itinerant society heavily based on the real world Romani) as a conniving group of thieves, murders, and vampire-worshipers. Thankfully, I found through reddit and other sites how to steer away from the racists depictions of the Vistani and making them seem like, at worst, opportunists. So, I hope to be able to do that with some other of the classic DnD antagonist races.
I've read some other phenomenal post on here about evil races that totally inspired me as well. There's a great two part post about Decolonizing D&D which I adore. The post about alignment is easily my favorite. There's a couple great ones on Orcs and Yuan-Ti too so if some of my ideas are lifted from them, I hope y'all consider it flattery instead of theft. So, here are some primer notes before I get into it.
For creating the Dark Elves, I tried to keep as much as I could from the books. Obviously some stuff has to get thrown out the window though. I also tried to standardize calling them Dark Elves instead of Drow partly because I feel like Drow has a much nastier sound to it and calling them Dark Elves follows the naming convention with the High and Wood Elves. I tried to model them after real-life matriarchal societies like the Mosuo people of China and their pantheon after real deities like the Greeks, Romans, and Norse. I also quickly realized that building a society is inseparable from geography. Where a people are from effects their language, values, mythology, history, and family structure. I've tried to outline details I think are necessary to making this society realistic while leaving it open ended enough to be place-able in different worlds with relative ease. All that aside, lets get into the meat of it.

The Dark Elves: Elven Outcasts

The Elves are a varied and magical people that come from many planes and many environments within them. But none are met with more distrust and fear than the Dark Elves. Easily set apart from their cousins by their charcoal or pitch-black skin, pink-red eyes, hair of grays and whites, and shorter stature, these people have earned a reputation as killers, thieves, demon worshipers, and liars. But history is a cruel mistress, something the Dark Elves know better than most.

The Divine Divide

As the legends go, when the world was still young, Corellon Larethian lived on the Plane of Arvandor with his fellow Primal Elves. They were wild and mutable, emotional and free in all things. They changed shapes at will, gave and took freely to and from the world, and never stayed in any location too long. They wandered to and fro, scattering their peoples across almost every plane. However, this unbridled freedom was not without a price. Arguments, feuds, and small scale wars were incredibly common between them. Some elves would find themselves stranded on far off planes after most of their companions impulsively decided to leave. Their self serving impulses drove them to often completely disregard the needs or wants of others if they went against their own desires. And their reckless revelry was wreaking havoc on the natural world with Elven parties decimating whole planes of edible plants, wild game, and drinkable water.
One such Primal Elf began to see the destruction of their ways and talked to other elves about their actions. Slowly, this Elf by the name of Lolth amassed a small following of devotees that saw the negative ramifications of their inconsiderate freedom. Lolth and her followers agreed to take on fixed forms to show recognition of the dangers that impulsivity could bring. Lolth led this small group of devotees to Corellon to ask for his support. Now, Corellon did not lead these Primal Elves: he was just as wild as the best of them and did not take kindly to others telling him what to do. But he was the First Elf ever born and was universally respected amongst the Primal Elves and if Lolth could convince him, others would surely follow. Corellon listened to her proposition and agreed that they should change to prevent more destruction and conflict, but refused to order his kinsfolk into any action. He was an Elf, same as all of them, and he wouldn’t dare order around his family. He balked when Lolth asked him to take a concrete form as a show of solidarity and brushed her off as a killjoy.
Lolth was unsatisfied with this outcome and her following set out to convince each Elf to change their ways to preserve the beauty of the worlds. However, without the support of Corellon, many elves refused her offer. Her anger grew with each failure and her opinion of Corellon turned sour, something she made no attempt to hide from her Elven siblings. Now, Corellon is a proud god and once he caught wind that Lolth was bad mouthing him in an attempt to win over others, he became enraged. He railed against Lolth calling her a snake-tongued thief and Lolth called him incompetent and cruel. Their tempers flared and all the elves chose sides between Corellon’s freedom and Lolth’s stability. During this great debate, the Primal Elves turned to violence. The Dark Elves maintain that Corellon’s side threw the first blow, while the High Elves claim that it came from Lolth’s side.
No matter the source, this violent outburst soured relations between Lolth and Corellon forever after. He cast her and her followers out of Arvandor and barred her from ever returning. He also cast all but his most trusted kin from Arvandor, forcing them all to live lives on other worlds out of fear of another perceived insurrection. Thus, the Seldarine remain in Arvandor to judge the souls of Corellon’s faithful when they die and Lolth takes refuge in Arcadia with her pantheon where she minds the souls of the Drow. Corellon’s faithful call her pantheon the Dark Seldarine, while her faithful call it the Myrkalfar.

Myrkalfar: The Spider Mother’s House

Lolth the Spider Queen is the unquestioned head of the Myrkalfar, with all other deities seen as her divine family. Lolth is considered at times to be fickle or even cruel, but her ire is never gained without good reason. A very involved deity, her followers constantly search for signs of her favor or scorn in everyday life. When a Dark Elf contemplates a risky or controversial decision, they consult priestesses or perform their own rites which often gives them direct and succinct answers. She serves as an example to matriarchs of Drow families as demanding yet understanding, punishing yet guiding. She asks for a lot of her priestesses, demanding they be an unflinching example of everything a strong leader should be. The Myrkalfar is often presented as a divine household, with Lolth as the matron.
Keptolo is the consort of Lolth and considered to be the ideal of what a male should be. Beautiful and kind, strong and hard working, he helps Lolth in everything she does. Sometimes he serves as a messenger, other times as an agent of redemption, sometimes as a divine healer. When a Dark Elf is tasked with a divine charge, he is usually the one to deliver the message and guide them through their charge. He serves also as a fertility deity and is often worshiped by women or men seeking a child. Outsiders see him as a weak and subservient husband to Lolth, but his faithfulness to his matron is considered a virtue and his status as a “husband” is relatively alien to the Dark Elves as they have no binding marriage in their society.
If Keptolo is the agent of Lolth’s mercy, Kiaransalee is the agent of her vengeance. She is the eldest daughter of Lolth and Keptolo and one that Dark Elves pray to when they feel wronged. Only the most binding and serious contracts are signed under her name. To break an oath made under her name is sure to bring destruction. She is also the governor of the dead, judging the souls of those passed in the afterlife. She opposes the mindless undead created by mortals, but spirits and revenants that return to finish unresolved business amongst the living are considered under her protection. Should a Dark Elf encounter a returned spirit that is seeking vengeance, it’s their duty to leave them on their way and pray that the spirit isn’t there for them. This reverence of certain undead is something many outsiders consider downright evil.
Selvetarm is the Dark Elven warrior goddess and youngest daughter of Lolth. Often depicted with eight arms, she represents the pinnacle of hand to hand martial prowess, but often is without restraint. She serves as both an inspiration for warriors, and a warning. Vhaeraun is the eldest son of Lolth and governs ambition and stealth. Both of these traits are not necessarily vilified, but worship of him is highly scrutinized. Haughty and rash, tales of him often include deceiving his fellow gods for good and ill and more often than not are cautionary ones. He’s depicted as wearing a mask, either as some punishment for endangering Lolth and her family or to hide his identity for various schemes, possibly both.
Malyk is Lolth’s youngest son and a youthful deity of change and growth. He’s often seen as a bouncing young boy that Lolth and her family have to reign in from wild misadventures. His freedom and curiosity is often seen as a double edged sword, both gaining him great riches but also putting him in tremendous peril. He has strong ties to sorcerers and when a child is born with innate magical talent, he is often the one thanked for it. He serves as an outlet for a Dark Elves youthful chaotic nature, but also warns them of the ramifications of their actions.
Ghaunadur is a strange figure in the pantheon. Their place in the family is a bit of a mystery, sometimes called the sibling of Lolth, or her child, or even as Lolth’s parent. What makes them truly unique is that they are a formless deity, something that Lolth once warred with Corellon over. The legends go that when Ghaunadur joined Lolth, they refused to give up their changeable nature. When questioned, Ghaunadur pointed to the slimes, oozes, and formless creatures of the world and said that they wished to protect them from the Elves and the Elves from them. Lolth agreed, cementing their position as the deity of the changing forms of nature. Their favored creature is the ooze, but they govern all natural creatures. Dark Elves often pray to Ghaunadur to protect them from the creatures that lurk in the depths of the forest.
Zinzerena is Lolth’s sister and is the goddess of poisons, illusions, and magic. Viewed as an elderly and patient figure, she often serves as council to Lolth in desperate times. She’s said to be the mother of all poisons and venoms and her teachings are all about finding the wisest solution to a problem. Zinzerena teaches that even though the spider is small, it’s bite can still fell a panther. Despite her perceived age, she’s considered the younger sister of Lolth and is thought to be incredibly quick and nimble: a reminder that not everything is as it seems.
Eilistraee is Lolth’s niece and daughter of Zinzerena. Considered the black sheep of the pantheon, she serves as a goddess of redemption and moonlight. Dark Elves that turn their back on their family or scorn traditions will sometimes find themselves turned to Driders, half-spider half-Dark Elf creatures shunned by all. Eilistraee is said to watch over these creatures and if they are repentant, offer them challenges that they could complete to redeem themselves. Lolth often views her with contempt or mistrust, but never hates her and maintains her place in the pantheon. Dark Elven faithful rarely worship her as the others. She’s also one of the only deities of the Myrkalfar to claim no animosity toward the Seldarine and their faithful.
Spiders are the sacred animal of Lolth and are often used as an example of social order and the importance of family bonds. Each strand of silk serves the web as whole. More literally, the giant spiders of the Underdark are multifaceted and incredibly useful creatures. Serving as beasts of burden, war steeds, meat producers, household guardians, and silk producers, they are present in almost every facet of society. Their silks are used in everything from wound dressings to armor to architecture. To kill or steal another family's spider is considered akin to stealing a member of the family. Smaller and more poisonous spiders are often kept in temples and their webs are used as divining tools for priestesses.

Elven Exiles

The recorded history of the Dark Elves is full of contradictions from High Elf and Dark Elf sources. What historians can agree on is when the Elves of the Prime Material arrived, the followers of Lolth secluded from their Wood and High cousins and retreated into the Azelarien, also known as the Green Sea in Common. A massive forest, nearly 1 million square miles of dense and vibrant trees, that grows denser and darker the farther in one ventures. For countless eons, the High, Wood, and Dark Elves lived in relative harmony in their own corner of the world. High Elves lived near the forests in towns and villages, the Wood Elves lived in the lightly forested outlands of the Green Sea, and the Dark Elves lived deep in the central forests which was so dense that very little light reached the forest floor.
As time passed and their villages turned to cities, the High Elves began expanding into the forest, chopping some down to build homes and heat their furnaces. This began pushing into the territory of the Wood Elves and eventually the Dark Elves as well. These two peoples formed a shaky alliance to push back the expansive tide of the far larger High Elven armies. This alliance proved successful however and the High Elven forces began losing ground. What happened next is a matter of some debate. High Elven historians attest that the Dark Elven armies used Wood Elven soldiers as unwitting bait to lure the High Elven armies into a trap, thus causing a schism between them. Dark Elven historians state that the Wood Elven armies turned on them after the Wood Elves met in secret with High Elven leaders and bargained for their independence. Some Wood Elven historians claim that after a brutal defeat on the field, they were met by High Elven dignitaries that offered them clemency if they turned on their allies. They initially refused, but after the dignitaries threatened to make the same offer to the Dark Elves, they had no choice but to accept. No matter the cause, the histories agree that the Wood Elves turned on their erstwhile allies and helped push the Dark Elves into a rapid loss of ground.
Facing the might of the two armies with their own relatively small one, the Dark Elves were beaten into a hasty retreat into their own territory. Losing every open encounter, the Dark Elf matrons developed a new strategy of combat. The armies switched from training as many as quickly as they could, to training only a select few in multiple different forms of combat and magic. As the High and Wood Elves advanced into their territory, they quickly found their supply lines cut out from under them, their soldiers ambushed while sleeping, their scouts captured, and their leaders assassinated. And even if they would make it to a Dark Elf settlement, they would find it abandoned and booby-trapped, warned by their fast and silent scouts. If the Dark Elves couldn’t face their enemies head-on, they would weaken them with quick and decisive strikes.
Eventually, the war ground to a stalemate. The High Elves couldn’t push into the Dark Elf territory far enough to capture any cities of note without taking severe casualties and the Dark Elves were only managing to hold the invading armies back and couldn’t muster a force strong enough to push back to the enemy capital. Thus, the war cooled into a tense peace. The leaders came together to draw borders, but neither side fully forgave nor forgot one another’s actions. High and Wood Elves viewed the change in tactics by the Dark Elves as an unethical violation of the standards of war. The Dark Elves felt a particular animosity toward the Wood Elves, considering them backstabbers in their darkest hour.

Dark Elf Families: Matrons of Order

The Dark Elf society, to an outsider, looks like an oppressive and cruel society of slave traders and backstabbers. But the truth is more subtle. The Dark Elves value tradition and filial piety above almost all else. To a Dark Elven citizen, their family name is their most valuable possession and they are taught from a very young age that to look after their parents and their younger siblings is the highest virtue. Ancestors that have achieved great things often have shrines in a household alongside the gods themselves. A Dark Elf going against the will of their family is considered one of the highest taboos and often causes them to be outcast from Dark Elven society as a whole. Dark Elf society is matrilineal meaning that the eldest woman in each family is revered as the household leader and receives great respect from her family and society. This also means that the males of the society don’t inherit wealth as frequently as the females.
Dark Elven families are quite large, often with multiple generations along with aunts, uncles, and cousins living in the same household. New children almost always reside with their mother. Males of the society are expected to care not for their own biological children, but for the children born to their sisters, aunts, or nieces. This results in a striking amount of sexual freedom for both men and women, but is often viewed from the outside as promiscuity. The Dark Elves do not marry in the traditional sense, instead favoring long term partners with one another that can end at any time with no concerns to material wealth or ownership.
However, to become a member of a Dark Elf family is not entirely a matter of heritage. When a family that cannot support another child has one, they are often adopted by more well to do families and raised as one of their own. These adopted children are considered just as legitimate as if they were born into the family. Also, should a family lose all their heirs or become destitute, they often ask to become assimilated into other families for their own safety. The latter is considered a morose ceremony as the members of the smaller family forsake their surnames. To take in such a family is both an extreme honor and grim burden, as it means ending another family's line.
The borders of Dark Elven civilization only goes so far as there are trees so many newer up and coming families have expanded underground, a difficult and slow endeavor. This has put multiple houses at odds with one another for territory. However, Dark Elves do not tolerate open hostility between families as they have a very strong sense of collective identity. Dark Elves do not war against fellow Dark Elves, same as a spider does not fight its own web. This leads to many tensions and conflicts needing to be resolved in other ways. Most families will attempt a diplomatic solution, but when that isn’t an option, sabotage and coercion is the favored outlet. Murder is considered a bridge too far by most houses, but subterfuge in almost every other facet is, while not accepted, tolerated.
Legends of Lolth’s rebellion and the tension of their enclosed territory have imbued the Dark Elves with a strong sense of symbiosis with nature and conservancy. Sustainable living is the cornerstone of Dark Elf society. In the wild, no creature is killed or plant destroyed unless it’s a matter of self defense or necessary to survival.

Dark Elven Sex and Gender

As with many Elven peoples, sexuality is seen as a fluid and non-binary matter. Same sex relationships are usually seen as just as acceptable as male-female relationships. Since Dark Elves have no marriage structure, same sex life partners are common and widely accepted. Inheritance is passed along by the family as a whole, not linearly, meaning some houses may have matrons with no direct biological descendants while still serving at the elder matron. Power dynamics in relationships are still a factor, with the elder female in a gay relationship considered slightly above their partner socially and is seen as the inheritor in cases of property or genealogy. Male same sex relationships are accepted with little controversy. Since children are passed down their mothers line, the males have no social obligation to sire an heir as with other societies.
Transgender and transexual Dark Elves are met with slightly more controversy. Lolth’s rejection of the Primal Elves mutable forms is sometimes cited against transgender and transexual Dark Elves. Ghaunadur, however, is considered the patron god of these people and teaches that just as they are part of nature, they can change their forms. Many of these people join the religious order of Ghaunadur, serving in various roles both in religious ceremonies and as forest guides. Some even consider them to be blessed by Ghaunadur and are highly sought after in forays into the forests for protection. Children born to transgender Dark Elves are still expected to be a part of their eldest mother’s family or eldest father if no woman is part of the union.

Slavery Amongst the Dark Elves

While the Dark Elves do take slaves, their slavery doesn’t look the same as many other societies. When a family becomes indebted to another and they cannot pay off the debt, a member of their family, usually male, will be sent to work for the owed family. They give him room and board and are expected to care for him as if he were one of their own. He’ll work for them for an agreed upon amount of time before returning to his native family. Injury or misuse of this person is often grounds for them to leave and the debt to be nullified. Children born to servant fathers needn’t worry about inheriting their father’s status since they’re considered to be their mother’s child. On the rare occasion that a female servant has a child while in servitude, the child is returned to the mother’s family to be raised by her family while she works off the remaining debt. Some trade of servants does occur between houses, with indentured servants being traded for goods or services or even other servants of special skills, but the family of the servant reserves the right to veto such a trade for any reason.
During their frequent clashes with external armies, the Dark Elves do sometimes take prisoners of war, though very rarely are they used for slave labor. They never bring them back to major settlements, often keeping them on the outskirts of their territory to prevent them from learning critical knowledge of their territory. Most prisoners are held as bargaining chips to be traded for passage, supplies, or captured Dark Elves. Captured military leaders are sometimes brought to Dark Elven cities to be tried for their crimes against their people.

Dark Elven Government: Independent Houses

Unlike many other cultures, the Dark Elves lack a centralized government. Societal etiquette govern the standard for how certain crimes and disagreements should be handled, but each family unit acts as its own governing body. Disagreements within families are thus resolved internally. Inter-family disputes are resolved in multiple different ways. Most often, the two matrons of the family will meet and agree on terms to fairly compensate both sides. In cases when these talks deteriorate, the High Priestess of Lolth is often called to serve as the mediator and serves as the ruling body between disputes. Her rulings are final and indisputable, as she is considered the mouthpiece of Lolth’s will.
In times of crisis, historically the many houses of the Dark Elves have convened to discuss threats to all of Dark Elven society. This is uncommon as it’s difficult logistically to gather all the matrons in the same place at the same time, so often houses are represented by either the second eldest woman of the family or the eldest daughter of the matron. The High Priestess of Lolth often resides over these meetings as an arbiter in the event of split decisions or in delivering guidance from Lolth herself.

There's my take on the Dark Elves. Any comments, suggestions, questions, outrages, and critiques are welcomed. This is my first comprehensive look at a whole race so if I've missed things, I'll try and patch them up. I'd like to do similar things for Orcs, Goblinoids, Kobolds, and others so those might be seen soon. Thanks!
submitted by Lerad to DnDBehindTheScreen [link] [comments]

I had a discussion about gender. What does an AFAB woman feel like?

I am AFAB. 24. Autistic. I had a conversation today about gender. One friend admitted they were nb but didn’t like to put a label on it. I said I felt similarly in that I don’t know what female feels like. But I don’t want to take nb as my term if all “women” feel this way.
I’m going to say something that sounds braggy. Forgive me. You know how some people’s baby pictures look EXACTLY like them as an adult, but I am the opposite.
I was an average looking kid. I was weird and autistic and very introverted and had few friends. In some ways between school and family I was attention starved.
I remember getting my braces off at 13. I got them on at 11, and about exactly two years had passed. I looked like a different person. A whole different person. Awkward goofy asymmetrical 11 year old. To super attractive, gorgeous 13 year old. I went from a 5 to a 9, and I’m only saying it because many people told me and I know it to be true. I’m 24 now and get compliments every time I go out.
I feel so disconnected from myself and my body and face. I am incredibly uncomfortable every time I am called beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, sexy. I just feel it’s wrong for me and I have always been majorly uncomfortable with it. I don’t want to be handsome though, and I don’t like to look like a “man” or society’s interpretation of one. Attractive does feel better.
I do remember a couple times as an early teen looking in the mirror and having a legitimate panic attack because I am somehow so different physically than emotionally or mentally.
I just hate being reminded. I can accept it but I can’t hear it from others. When I am pumping gas and a man in a car pulls up I think every time please don’t say anything. Please don’t stare.
Because of this I have a total aesthetic. Facial piercings and tattoos and jewelry and clothes that are my own. Compliment me on my septum jewelry or arm tattoos, not my face or ass. It expresses me better than my cleavage or eye color.
I tried describing it to an ex boyfriend except it’s so hard to describe. He called me beautiful and I lost it, total ugly tears and contorted face crying. I can’t describe how it feels very well in spoken word. He knew I identified as non binary at the time but I don’t think the dysphoria portion clicked for either of us.
I took a semi not terrible gender quiz on the internet. The four options on the graph were masculine, feminine, androgynous (which is what was encouraged for some reason) and undifferentiated. I was deeeeeep into the last category, leaning slightly masculine.
I don’t mind my breasts or ass or the fact I have “female” parts but I’m realizing I have dysphoria.
I feel very... genderless. Then again I don’t know what a woman should feel like. I don’t want to call myself nb if I am just a woman who doesn’t think about my gender. My roommate is AFAB nb learning masc and is going on T next month. I dont want facial hair or a deep voice or top surgery but I’d pretty much like to get rid of my uterus and do my own thing. Part of it is autism I’m sure.
Any advice, anyone feel the same or similarly?
submitted by newprofilewhodis1352 to NonBinaryTalk [link] [comments]

[Review] Ranking all the Switch shmups Ep25 - Q-YO Blaster

There was a time when I believed that shmups could only feature ships. Then games like Parodius came to challenge that belief. If an Octopus can be the player, then anything is possible. And don’t get me started on Cho Aniki…
When it comes to unusual characters for a shmup, it’s always a coin toss. They could either be the most fun you’ve had in a while or end up being a disappointment. Time for me to toss this coin!
Publisher: Forever entertainment
Platform: Nintendo Switch
Release date: Jun 27, 2019
Price: $9.99
Tate: You can, but you might need to tilt your head
Q-YO Blaster is by far the strangest 2D horizontal shmup I’ve reviewed for this ranking list. The gameplay and mechanics aren’t anything particularly odd, but there’s something about the presentation and the lore which is legitimately fascinating. For some reason it feels like a game developed by someone out of this world who learned about our culture through animated movies.

SATURDAY MORNING SHMUP

One of the aspects that tipped me over the edge when deciding what to review was the art style. Keeping up with the animation vibe, Q-YO Blaster sports an old school cartoon art style. Enemies will be colorful creatures with quirky details such as baseball caps, big eyes or even Mickey Mouse styled gloves. Their animations are equally as comical whether it is their attack animation of their death animation.
Of course, cartoony can be used to describe maybe half of the style. The other half is probably more akin to a sci-fi coat of paint. Along the many bugs and animals, there’s also a great deal of robots, monsters, heavy weaponry and even blood running rampant (or maybe it’s oil?). It does makes sense considering the bugs came from space, and it definitely adds a touch of mystery when navigating through the stages of Q-YO Blaster.

EVERYONE IS HERE!

My original expectation of the game was to have a few pilots including the Q-YO, floating dog head from the screenshots and doggy airplane. Little did I know that Q-YO Blaster has more pilots than I have fingers in both of my hands.
Pilots are arranged into 3 different teams. Each pilot has different stats which include damage, speed and fire. The teams can have +damage, +endurance or a mixture of both. Fortunately, despite the outrageous pilot designs and sprites, their hitboxes are all the same. After picking your pilot, you can pick one of 7 different special weapons to round out your style. From whichever angle you want to watch it, Q-YO Blaster offers a crazy amount of customization options.
The defining feature of each team is their assistant. Assistant are powerful screen-wide effects that trigger once you fill the assistant gauge. The gauge can be filled by continuously shooting and defeating enemies. Once filled, you can hold the fire button to unleash its effect. The effects are a screen explosion that clears bullets, a temporary shield or a 360 barrage of missiles.

BUILDING YOUR OFFENSE

With all of the previous elements combined, you can play as one of 112 possible combinations of team, pilot and special weapons.
In terms of weapons at your disposal, you have 3: your basic shot, your special weapon and your assistant. Your basic shot is an infinite gun that shoots bullets straight ahead with some degree of spread. The first shot is always straight, so you can opt for manual rapid fire to keep a straight line of fire. Alternatively, you can hold the button and just auto-fire.
Occasionally, you’ll find power-up weapons flying around the stage. This power-ups will grant you a limited weapon when collected. These extra weapons are considerably faster than your basic shot at the cost of having limited ammo. They also have a unique effect on their very first shot, once more giving you a choice between manually shooting or going with the auto-fire.

ALSO BUILD YOUR DEFENSE

One defensive tool you have at your disposal is the pulse. Pulse clears every bullet on screen and turns them into gems. When collected, this gems will increase the level of your special weapon gauge. This special weapon will be whatever you picked on the character select, and has 3 different levels of strength depending on how many gems you have collected. It also comes with some slight invulnerability so you can use it to get out of sticky situations.
The caveat of pulse is that you can only carry 3 stocks, and it is only refilled by collecting extra pulse power-ups. I have mixed feelings about this limitation, as I feel it plays an integral part of your offensive game plan. Its hard limit prevents any smart usage other than just a get-out-of-jail card. I would have loved if it had a gauge like the assistant, as that would have created a balance between building pulse and shooting your special.

LITTLE ADVENTURES

Every stage carries a sort of familiar scenery. I like to think of it as Toy Story levels. Considering the characters are Q-YOs and bugs, it makes sense for the scenery to be a relatively small scale such as houses or gardens. I find them to be very charming, or it might be just my nostalgia kicking in because I grew up with Toy Story. Nonetheless, I really dig the stages.
At the end of each stage, there’s a very comical boss waiting for you. These bosses represent whichever vibe you got from the level. For example, the boss of the garden level is none other than Queen Bee herself. Bosses turn the action up to 11 featuring huge bullet patterns and significantly more aggressive tactics. My one complaint about the bosses is that they feel a lot like a flow chart. They have a couple of attacks and will cycle through them in the same order all the time. Assuming you can dodge them, it’s only a matter of repeating the same moves over and over until the boss goes down. This is even worse on the harder difficulties when the bosses have much more HP.
The most interesting aspects of the stages are the end rewards. Similar to many rogue-lite games, clearing a stage will let you choose a perk for the rest of your adventure. The perks are always the same, but include upgrades such as increased speed, faster shots or even 1ups.

STORY TIME!

Despite being a shmup, I really recommend paying attention to the story! It really is something else! I don’t think it actually makes much sense, but there’s something about the way it’s told that crashes my brain. It does have some powerful moments as well! Including that one stage with the sad music and the rain. I don’t want to spoil it, but it really hit me hard.
I didn’t delve too much into game modes, but there’s basically classic and arcade. Classic is your base mode with the entire story and 3 selectable difficulties. If you don’t want to go through the story every time (even though it is skippable), then arcade mode is for you. Arcade mode features 0 cutscenes, so it’s all fun and games. Arcade mode is also much harder, but has 99 continues.

HARDER ISN’T ALWAYS BETTER

I have to make one of my classic parenthesis to talk about difficulty. Being honest, I think the expert difficulty and to some extent arcade are pretty terrible. The reason is because of the way the game is balanced as a result of them. Harder difficulties feature faster bullets and more complex patterns, but also feature increased vitality for the enemies. The increased lethality of the enemies makes for a hearty challenge, but all good is wiped out by the tedium of enemy endurance.
What I found out was that enemies are very durable in the harder difficulties. Rather than creating a fun challenge, it makes it incredibly hard to destroy enemies. Most enemies feel like sponges that just refuse to die unless you have a special weapon. Some enemies feel outright impossible to kill before they leave the screen, an issue which hurts a lot when it comes to homing projectiles that need to be destroyed. Fun and dynamic dog fights become grindy situations where you focus on a single ship and fail to destroy it while having others flood the screen. I really think harder difficulties would have been better without the added HP on enemies but retaining the faster bullets and harder patterns.

SLOW AND STEADY DOESN’T WIN THE RACE

While on the topic of hard difficulties, the homing bullets are another culprit behind the reason the difficulty isn’t fun. I’ve never been a fan of homing attacks as they feel cheap, but it feels like it wasn’t play tested because some slower ships can’t actually avoid a homing shot without the speed upgrade. To be fair, no one shoots homing bullets on stage 1, so taking speed is utmost priority.
One thing I do like about speed is that most boss patterns allow you to dodge at high speed. You can’t slow your speed, so it’s nice that there isn’t finesse required to survive some waves.

A LITTLE BIT MORE TIME IN THE OVEN

If I was on a game show about quick words and someone mentioned “Q-YO Blaster”, my response would be “rough”. While some aspects of the game are really cool, there are other where it feels a little bit incomplete. Some enemies don’t match the visual quality of others such as Major Tomm. The UI and menus also seem to come from a prototype version.
There’s also a sort of bug where if you die and use a credit, the game immediately pauses. Not a big deal, but it feels out of place. The customization screen is also all sorts of blurry. You can’t remap controls either, which is a shame considering the shoulder buttons would really come in handy.
Most of these issues aren’t a big deal by themselves, but they taint the final product by making it feel a little like shovelware. The game is really fun though, so it is sad to think about having it fall under that umbrella.

FINAL WORDS

So the mandatory question is, is it fun? It definitely is! With its bizarre and unsettling vibe, Q-YO Blaster is still tons of fun to play. While there is certainly a lot of room for improvement, Q-YO Blaster is still a solid choice for a shmup if you are fan of the cartoon style, of the horizontal shmup format or just a fan of little critters in general.
THE RANKING SO FAR:
  1. Ikaruga
  2. Psyvariar Delta
  3. Devil Engine
  4. Rolling Gunner
  5. Blazing Star
  6. Jamestown+
  7. Tengai
  8. Steredenn: Binary Stars
  9. Stardust Galaxy Warriors: Stellar Climax
  10. Sky Force: Reloaded
  11. Strikers 1945
  12. Black Paradox
  13. R-Type Dimensions EX
  14. Sine Mora EX
  15. Shikhondo – Soul Eater
  16. Ghost Blade HD
  17. AngerForce: Reloaded
  18. Aero Fighters 2 (ACA Neogeo)
  19. Q-YO Blaster
  20. Lightening Force: Quest for the darkstar (Sega Ages)
  21. Pawarumi
  22. Red Death
  23. Task Force Kampas
  24. Switch ‘N’ Shoot
  25. Last Resort (ACA Neogeo)
submitted by AzorMX to NintendoSwitch [link] [comments]

I have a form of dysphoria, but I need to know: what does an AFAB woman feel like?

I am AFAB. 24. Autistic. I had a conversation today about gender. One friend admitted they were nb but didn’t like to put a label on it. I said I felt similarly in that I don’t know what female feels like. But I don’t want to take nb as my term if all “women” feel this way.
I’m going to say something that sounds braggy. Forgive me. You know how some people’s baby pictures look EXACTLY like them as an adult, but I am the opposite.
I was an average looking kid. I was weird and autistic and very introverted and had few friends. In some ways between school and family I was attention starved.
I remember getting my braces off at 13. I got them on at 11, and about exactly two years had passed. I looked like a different person. A whole different person. Awkward goofy asymmetrical 11 year old. To super attractive, gorgeous 13 year old. I went from a 5 to a 9, and I’m only saying it because many people told me and I know it to be true. I’m 24 now and get compliments every time I go out.
I feel so disconnected from myself and my body and face. I am incredibly uncomfortable every time I am called beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, sexy. I just feel it’s wrong for me and I have always been majorly uncomfortable with it. I don’t want to be handsome though, and I don’t like to look like a “man” or society’s interpretation of one. Attractive does feel better.
I do remember a couple times as an early teen looking in the mirror and having a legitimate panic attack because I am somehow so different physically than emotionally or mentally.
I just hate being reminded. I can accept it but I can’t hear it from others. When I am pumping gas and a man in a car pulls up I think every time please don’t say anything. Please don’t stare.
Because of this I have a total aesthetic. Facial piercings and tattoos and jewelry and clothes that are my own. Compliment me on my septum jewelry or arm tattoos, not my face or ass. It expresses me better than my cleavage or eye color.
I tried describing it to an ex boyfriend except it’s so hard to describe. He called me beautiful and I lost it, total ugly tears and contorted face crying. I can’t describe how it feels very well in spoken word. He knew I identified as non binary at the time but I don’t think the dysphoria portion clicked for either of us.
I took a semi not terrible gender quiz on the internet. The four options on the graph were masculine, feminine, androgynous (which is what was encouraged for some reason) and undifferentiated. I was deeeeeep into the last category, leaning slightly masculine.
I don’t mind my breasts or ass or the fact I have “female” parts but I’m realizing I have dysphoria.
I feel very... genderless. Then again I don’t know what a woman should feel like. I don’t want to call myself nb if I am just a woman who doesn’t think about my gender. My roommate is AFAB nb learning masc and is going on T next month. I dont want facial hair or a deep voice or top surgery but I’d pretty much like to get rid of my uterus and do my own thing. Part of it is autism I’m sure.
Any advice, anyone feel the same or similarly?
submitted by newprofilewhodis1352 to NonBinary [link] [comments]

36 questions I have for the trans cult

This is a letter I'm writing up, and once I have it all finalized I'm sending it straight to the High Tranny of Transgenderism. Is there anything I'm missing?
1) What’s the difference between trans-women & men? Is it significant, or are they as obviously identical as I think they are?
2) What are the similarities between trans-women & women? Are they significant, or are they as clearly from different species as I think they are?
3) If you were to tally up the differences & similarities (first comparing trans-women to men, then to women) where would most of the differences lie, & why are they between trans women and real women?
4) Define woman in a way I like. This is a directive and not a question, but it's still fitting.
5) The dictionary defines woman thusly: (noun) 1a: an adult female person
b: a woman belonging to a particular category (as by birth, residence, membership, or occupation) —usually used in combination councilwoman
2: WOMANKIND
3: distinctively feminine nature : WOMANLINESS
4: a woman who is a servant or personal attendant
5ac hiefly dialectal : WIFE
b: MISTRESS
c: GIRLFRIEND sense 2
6: a woman who is extremely fond of or devoted to something specified
I'm a chocolate woman through and through, but one bite of West's banana pudding cupcake and I was sold. — Hattie Brown Garrow
6) Is a trans-woman male of female, or female of male? Am I speaking English?
7) Is the fully functional male body of a trans-woman simply a birth defect of a female one, or am I not really understanding this whole subject?
8) Is being transgender part of a mental or physical condition? Is it like, actually real, or can I just ignore it if I don't like the idea of it?
9) “Trans-women are women”, is an extraordinary claim, because just freaking look at them. Man handed freaks. This isn't a question
10) Is the statement: “trans-women are men” an extraordinary claim? Would the evidence need to be extraordinary, or is it pretty self-evident as I'm trying to imply without explicitly saying?
11) Trans-women are male – true or transphobic?
12) Is referring to trans-women as biologically male, true, or both true and transphobic?
13) The social majority within the trans movement are gender-conforming, binary trans-women, therefore the trans movement is androcentric – true or transphobic? No, I won't tell you how I came to this conclusion.
14) Michael Jackson was trans white – true or transphobic?
15) Is gynaecology transphobic? What if you spell it gynecology?
16) Is same-sex attraction transphobic, or am I not really understanding the whole thing?
17) Do women’s sports exist because of sex differences between men & women, or because of a “strong, internal sense of self”? I'm not providing a third option for the people who want to answer accurately, it must be one of those two choices.
18) Is a person’s sex or gender more relevant when it comes to women’s prisons?
19) A mother & her 13 year old son are trying to escape an abusive spouse/father. The women’s shelter won’t allow her son in, because even allowing a vulnerable, underage male in the shelter could pose a threat to the women in the shelter, which would defeat the purpose of the shelter. Was this decision reached on the grounds of the boy’s sex, or his “inner sense of self”, which also aligned with his sex in this example?
20) Sex matters more than gender sometimes – inconvenient truth, or “unscientific hate speech”?
21) Is ‘gender’ short for ‘gender identity’ or ‘gender roles’? I don't believe it's a term in and of itself, so don't @ me with that nonsense.
22) Is the feminist tenet “gender is a social construct”, true, or transphobic?
23) A flamboyant gay man may sustain injury, even fatal injury, if he is placed in a facility with other men. Is not allowing the gay man into the women’s facility homophobic? He never asked by the way, just checking.
24) A shelter for battered women is made to protect women from men. A man needs protecting. Is this just question 23 reworded slightly?
25) You & you’re friend find a fox on the run from hunters. You suggest allowing the poor animal into the chicken coup, where it’ll find safety. You’re friend explains that you’d be better off finding a solution that doesn’t endanger the chickens. Is your friend a transphobic bitch? Is this just concentrated stupid? Do I know what your to use in sentences?
26) Do pink brains & blue brains exist? If yes, can we determine the true gender of non-binary people by looking at their brains? I have a scalpel and a flashlight ready to start testing my neighbors,
27) Are women actually cisgender though? Like, you know I don't want that to be a word, right?
28) Which one of the following is transphobic: always assume a trans person’s pronouns based on appearance, or never assume, instead always ask?
29) Human beings reproduce sexually via females supplying eggs & males fertiliser – true or transphobic? Males fertiliser, by the way, on sale at Kroger right now, so this one is time sensitive.
30) Sex is a binary – true, transphobic, or off topic? Like the other questions, there is no false option because it's obviously true.
31) Even if the following is not your opinion, is it misogynistic to say that there is a worrying rise in boob jobs, despite them making people with dysmorphia feel better? This is on topic even if the last question was not.
32) There is a worrying rise in people with dysphoria seeking hormonal & surgical intervention. Is that a fair opinion voicing a legitimate concern, or hate speech? I won't tell you who's worried (it's me).
33) (((The West))) has very proudly declared that African-style surgical intervention of the genitals is a form of mutilation & should be banned on those grounds. However, our own culture also has insidious practices that match the definition of genital mutilation. Circumcision is mutilation – true or anti-semitic? Surgical removal of the glans of intersex people mistaken for girls is mutilation – true or anti-normalisation? Vaginoplasties are mutilation – true or misogynistic? This especially applies to cis women BTW. SRS is mutilation – true, or transphobic? This entire question is racist insanity - true, or (((pancakes)))?
34) Are trans-friendly cultures that group trans-women with gay men, as opposed to with cis women, primitive, & engaging in a transphobic practice, or is there any chance at all that our own culture isn’t superior to theirs & could actually learn from theirs in this case? That is, are trans women actually just men?
35) Anti-androgens increase risk of cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, liver damage, kidney damage, anemia, depression & sexual dysfunction – true or transphobic?
36) Wat is "trans man", some kind of yogurt flavor?
submitted by thundersass to transgendercirclejerk [link] [comments]

James duffy on activation bypass utilities.

James Duffy
Open Menu
Demystifying iCloud/Activation Bypass Utilities
May 22
Written By James Duffy
Recently, during the development of one of my recent WIP projects, I had to order another test device (an iPhone 6S) to ensure full functionality of this project. The device arrived activation-locked.. After a few quick Google searches it became apparent that most options for using the device in this state were from third party providers offering their ‘services’ for a price.
This article isn’t about ethics, but I dont think that’s right to be charging for such a service. I was curious how the process worked, and if I could recreate this process of ‘activation bypassing’ a device myself.
I started by analysing a few of the major tools to understand how they function and try to recreate some of the functionality. I began by dragging a popular tool, we’ll refer to it as Tool 1, into Hopper Dissasembler to see if there was some plaintext strings to exec stored in the binary. The binary appeared to be very well obfuscated, using many common methods such as including an extremely high number of functions that arn’t critical to the software functionaly, in order to ‘overload’ the dissasembler and make it less attractive for a researcher to inspect.
Directly disassembling the binary wasn’t working out for me in this case, so I shifted my attention to determining wether most of the process was server side, or if all the functionality could run locally on the Mac.
Using Burp Suite Proxy, I attempted to incercept all the network requests Tool 1 was generating in order to learn a little more about what was happening internally, at each stage. The binary was somehow bypassing the proxy set locally on my Mac, probably by design to stop this sort of inspection. To overcome this, I used Proxifier, which creates a virtual network card on your Mac, where all the traffic that passes through the card is processed by the proxy we set, Burp Suite, and then to the Tool 1’s central server.
After analysing the very few requests made by Tool 1, I found there to be two mechanisms in place to prevent unpaid users from using the tool. The first is a request made to Apple’s activation server to grab a legitimate activation ticket. Tool 1 duplicates the content of this outgoing request, and forwards it to the Tool 1 Central Server in order to determine the device making the request.
The second request Tool 1 makes is to it’s central server again, this time submitting the serial number of the connected device, which appeared to be sent as an encoded plaintext string of your serial. The device in Request 1 and 2 must first match each other, and the details will then be checked against a database Tool 1 Developer owns and makes available via some sort of API.
The responses from Tool 1’s server were very short, and containing minimal information other than essentially an encoded ‘OK’ message. This allowed the locally running program to proceed and execute the rest of the process, request 1 and 2 were successful.
If an invalid serial was submitted, the server would reject the request, and Tool 1 would stop executing.
As I didn’t understand which encoding method was being used to submit the information to Tool 1’s server, I wasn’t able to directly replace the serial in the request with a valid one to pass the checks.
However, the encoding IS completed locally on the mac, so, if we can trick the Mac into seeing a different serial number, the binary will encode our fake serial, passing the server checks. There are many methods of doing this, but the easiest method would probably be to spoof the output of ideviceinfo. I’ll come back to this soon.
My goal was to understand how exactly these activation bypasses work, not to simply bypass the tool’s checking mechanism. So following the information we gained, and Tool 1 executing it’s process succesfully, we now need to work out what it’s executing in the background.
I used an amazing tool from Objective-See, ProcessMonitor (https://objective-see.com/products/utilities.html) in order to trace the calls to exec, Tool 1 was making.
It was incredibly interesting seeing the output, as it turns out Tool 1 actually operates in a very simple way internally.
The software, once authenticated, follows roughly this flow:
I wrote a simple C Program and compiled it on the iPhone in order to grab the files that were created. As they were deleted very quickly, they were difficult to retreive. But, we got there eventually, knowing all possible directories for the files from the tracing using ProcessMonitor, and our output files were copied back to my Mac. With a little C programming, I could replay the whole process very quickly without any interaction with the server.
So, thats the story. If anyone has any questions just let me know on twitter @J_Duffy01
submitted by icloud08 to setupapp [link] [comments]

Questioning trans and very confused.

I am AMAB and heteroromantic asexual and for the first time ever tonight I think I experienced Gender dysphoria or something of the sort. I'm 20 and since middle school I have always fantasized about being a girl. I thought this was normal because who wouldn't fantasize about being the other gender, and especially why wouldn't you want to be the gender you're attracted to. Never once in my life have I thought about these feelings seriously in any capacity but I have always thought that if given the option to be a woman I would take it. I fantasize about being a woman constantly. However I'm very comfortable as a man, for the first time tonight I felt legitimately upset I wasn't a woman. I love the idea of being a woman but I've never really felt like I shouldn't be a guy. This is primarily because I'm asexual but I just realized that when I'm very attracted to a woman, I never think about having sex with them, (because I don't want to) I think about being them, or looking like them, and I get jealous. I'm generally decently feminine, I'm interested in trying on makeup and looking girly to see what I look like but I would never go out like that, and when it is pointed out to me that I'm acting feminine in any capacity it makes me happy, and when its pointed out that I'm acting masculine it's a little upsetting. Anyway for the first time ever I feel like I finally took these buried feelings seriously and I feel extremely lost, I don't feel like myself, I feel like I unlocked another part of myself I haven't been taking seriously. I am so confused. The idea of trying on woman's clothing, wearing makeup, and trying to pass as a girl is intriguing and I'm excited to try it. I don't know if I'm just intrigued cause exploring is fun, if I'm just a feminine guy, or if this is the beginning of me discovering that I'm trans, or maybe non-binary, or something. I've done minimal research I don't know a lot about this part of the lgbt community, I feel very caught off guard and I'm mostly typing this out just to put my feelings to words, but all help and guidance is appreciated.
submitted by TomatoSalad69 to lgbt [link] [comments]

Through 2019, I've played over 70 games, and have beaten 39 of them. Here's a short review for all of them.

I made it a goal this year to play as many games as I possibly could and try to deplete my backlog. Through doing that, I've played games this year that have made me laugh, cry, complain, hate, and love. I enjoy seeing others post game reviews like this, so hopefully there are others out there like me who just enjoy reading about games.
All games that I've completed are listed in chronological order from when I beat them, and contain a #/10 for final review score (for the ones that I completed). As a bonus, there will be three segments: Completed, Currently playing/hope to get back to, and Retired. At the end, I will include a TLDR; for my completed games in three sections; Good, Average, and Bad. Like others, I used howlongtobeat which proved to be a great tool for my backlog and clearing it out. Here we go:
 
January 2019
 
Condemned: Criminal Origins
I had tried this game a couple years back and it didn't really click. When I tried it this year something changed and I felt the need to keep playing it. The premise of the game is very unique, and although there seem to be a few games like this on Steam, there really isn't an experience like this on console. The gameplay is VERY dated, but the story, location, and overall feel behind the game drew me into it. I finished the entire game on New Years Day, and had a great time doing it. For anyone looking for a fun, old school CSI/Survival Horror esque game, even though it has its problems, check this one out. 7.5/10.
 
Sleeping Dogs: Definitive Edition
What a game. Like Condemned, this was another game that I initially tried years ago and didn't get hooked on, mainly because the driving is so bad especially when you first start out, but I'm so glad I gave this one another chance. Easily in my top 5 games played this year. Enjoyed every single second of it. Aside from the driving, I have no complaints. This is one of those games where you'll actually want to go do everything else even after you complete the story. It's that good. 9/10
 
Crysis 2
Extra short review because I kinda just blew through this one. Didn't really enjoy it at all, and while this series may have been ahead of its time, its not too impressive playing it in 2019. No story and forgettable gameplay, two things that a campaign of a multiplayer focused game relies on. You're much better off playing through one of the call of duty's if you want an FPS campaign. 4/10
 
Bioshock: Remastered
Forewarning for this one and another review coming up: I'm not a fan of this series. This is another one I tried years ago on the 360, gave up on (see a trend?), but decided to give it another go after hearing all the praise for this series. Let me just say, Bioshock is not a bad game at all, obviously, but for some reason it just didn't click with me like it has other people. I enjoyed my time with the game, but wasn't left speechless after it. The setting got old, the story never really interested me, and the gameplay was quite similar to that of other games (Fallout in particular). It looks and performs quite well as a remaster, and I'd say that's probably the best thing I have to say about the game. Not bad, but not deserving of the critical acclaim it has gotten IMO. 7/10
 
Batman: Arkham Asylum
Stepped out of my comfort zone with this one. I've never seen a batman movie before, nor did I/do I have a desire to before/after beating the game, but I still somehow enjoyed it. It's a nice little change of pace from many games, as the combat is melee focused and is set to one main location with other branching locations instead of the overly used open-world. The backtracking did get tiresome, but overall as a non-batman fan I enjoyed it. Definitely recommend it to somehow looking for a change of pace type of game. 7.5/10
 
D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die
After beating Deadly Premonition and it subsequently moving into my Top 5 favorite games of all time, I decided to give D4 a try after realizing I had downloaded for free years and years ago. All I have to say is this: Swery is a genius. Not a game I would have EVER expected to like, but one that I couldn't put down. Wacky characters, plot, setting, and gameplay all make D4 just a fun, enjoyable experience. It was meant to be an episodic game, but was unfortunately cancelled after the first episode, and it did leave on a little bit of a cliffhanger. Although the talk around the street is that this game won't be finished, we do have hope considering Swery shocked the world announcing Deadly Premonition 2 for next year, a game which I won't be patient for. If you just want wacky experience, definitely check this one out. 8.5/10
 
Bioshock 2
You're probably wondering why this one is on the list if you read through my Bioshock 1 summary. Well, I am too. I had burning desire for whatever reason to return to Bioshock, and experience Bioshock 2, and honestly, my experience was basically the exact same as Bioshock 1 but a little worse. While I found Bioshock 1 to have a forgettable story, I found Bioshock 2 to have a REALLY forgettable story. I also wasn't a fan of the increased combat that was put into this game, as I feel like this is the type of game where exploration should be focus and not fighting a enemies every time you enter a new location or room. Again, not a terrible experience, just not one that left a lasting impression on me whatsoever. 6/10
 
February 2019
 
Mass Effect 1, 2, and 3
Here's where the tears come in. Wow. Just wow. Before playing this series I never thought anything in any type of entertainment could be this good. I was wrong. Mass Effect 1-3 is the greatest achievement in entertainment history. Am I saying this after doing/watching/playing everything that has ever been put out? No. But I am saying it as I'm confident I, like many others, will NEVER have the pleasure of experiencing anything like the first run through the Mass Effect Trilogy ever again. This is a must play for people not even interested in gaming. The plot that carries over across all three games while taking everything you did from the previous game into account is something that I haven't seen replicated in gaming since, and that was over 12 years ago. The story, world, characters, and gameplay is truly something remarkable in all of entertainment. 2 was my favorite, only because of all the amazing characters you got to meet, otherwise 1 was very close behind. 3 was great, and despite what all the critics had to say, I felt the ending was justified. 10/10
 
Shadow Of The Tomb Raider
A much better entry into the Tomb Raider franchise than Rise, one of the two games which I credit that turned me into a patient gamer. The gameplay was more enjoyable than Rise, and the somewhat open-world sections that the devs added was a nice little change to the series. I still don't think this was nearly as good as Tomb Raider (2013), but this one is definitely still worth checking out. 7/10
 
The Technomancer
My first truly bad experience of 2019. This game was just bad. It had potential and you can see it when you play it, but unfortunately it's just bad. So bad. The plot is bad, the characters are bad, and the gameplay is just downright garbage. The one thing that had true potential which was the world was just shamelessly butchered as well. No one should touch this game. 1/10
 
March 2019
 
The Wolf Among Us
Another masterpiece. This was my first telltale game and I'm scared to play another one because I know it will probably not come close to comparing to TWAU. This game has twists and turns that you wouldn't have ever expected, and draws you into the world VERY quickly. This was another one that was hard to put down. The voice acting and story are top notch, and HOLY COW, WOLF AMONG US 2 COMING?? Other than Deadly Premonition 2, it's currently my most hyped upcoming game. 10/10
 
DmC: Devil May Cry (2013)
My first and possibly my last entry in the DMC series. I know its considered to be the worst or at least one of the worst games in the series, but the main draws of the game just bored me to death. The weird enemies types with the spam attack hack-n-slashing combat just really didn't provide me with joy. The story was interesting IMO and the boss fights were cool, but just running around hack n slashing everything as well as backtracking to certain locations just wasn't fun at all to me. Another forgettable experience. 6/10
 
Watch Dogs 2
This one really surprised me. I was in the minority where I actually really enjoyed Watch Dogs 1, but held off this one due to vocal people saying that this game was political nonsense. My experience with the game was the complete opposite, as I played it from pure game perspective and didn't think much in the overall deep meaning of the plot. The setting was great, and as someone who lives near SF but absolutely hates the city IRL, it was still quite cool to experience something so similar in a game. The graphics were great, the gameplay was smooth, and the characters were interesting, which in total made Watch Dogs 2 a great experience. There were a few characters who were over the top or just not needed in the game, but all I had to do was skip the scenes they were in. 8.5/10
 
Thimbleweed Park
My first true point and click game since the early 2000's. Im a big fan of detective/mystery games, so this one was on my list for a while. Since I lack the mental capacity to solve most puzzles in games, I did have to use a walkthrough for a large part of this game. Even so, I still very much enjoyed this game. If you're looking for a fun point and click adventure game with tons of mystery included, this is a great game to choose. 7.5/10
 
Bound By Flame
As an RPG fan, I had to give this one at least a try. After the horror that I experienced in The Technomancer, I didn't know what to expect with this one. This was just average all the way through. Literally take the definition of an RPG and put it into this game. Much better than The Technomancer, but still not that good of an RPG. I'd probably suggest only to play this If you run out of other RPGs or simply just want a mediocre experience. Also, what's up with Spiders making the ability to climb up objects impossible if you're in combat? You have to clear out every single enemy in an area if you want to continue on, and this includes the backtracking and minor areas. One of the most annoying things I can remember experiencing in a video game. 5/10
 
Outward
Wasn't patient for this one but I wish I was. Like Bound By Flame, this is just an insanely bland RPG, and in this case, is considered a "Hardcore RPG". It's hardcore in the fact that you REALLY have to want to play this game otherwise you're going to be bored within an hour. Its not worth having to make the 10 minute walk across the map 10-20 times to get supplies and to complete quests. Just a totally bland game that I would've quit right away if I hadn't bought it on release. Another great example on why to be a patient gamer. I also found out later on this year that this game was already made in 2009, and was much better then. I'll save that for a later review. 4/10
 
April 2019
 
Dead Rising 2 Remastered
A classic. This was my first replay of 2019, but this time it was the remastered version. I played through Dead Rising 2 5-6 times on my 360 solo and with different coop partners. The remastered version is just a better version of this great game. Absolutely flawless performance even on my OG Xbox One. This game is the ultimate sit back and chill game. 8.5/10
 
L.A. Noire
My second replay of 2019, and, up until I played the Mass Effect series earlier in the year, was my favorite game of all time. Crime/noir is my favorite genre of games, and it's too bad we really don't see many of them anymore. L.A. Noire blows every other crime game out of the water, and not only that, but throws in the detective element and makes you feel like you are truly investigating the cases in the game. The noir element is also just totally flawless in the game. While the performance of the remastered version was again, flawless, I really didn't like how they removed the Truth/Lie dialogue options with "Good Cop/Bad Cop". I honestly preferred the last gen version. Still, I consider this game a masterpiece. 10/10
 
South Park: The Fractured But Whole
Was hoping to play this after I saw the new season to get into the mood, but decided to dive right in instead. To this day, the South Park games are the only turn-based games that I've managed to play through. While I preferred the premise of The Stick Of Truth better, I still absolutely loved my time with this game. It truly is remarkable that not only are Trey and Matt able to continually make arguably the greatest show in entertainment history, but also put out really great games. 8/10
 
June 2019
 
Assassins Creed: Odyssey
I spent all of May playing this one, so that should tell most of what you need to know. I'm a sucker for Ubisoft games and the mindless enjoyment I get out of them. While nothing Odyssey does is groundbreaking, it still provided me with more than 65 hours of content and that's without the DLC, which I hope to get back to someday. Due to the story and characters, I think this is better than Origins, although both are great games worthy of your time. I'm glad the series has turned into an basically open world RPG, because I was not a fan at all of any of the older AC games. 9/10
 
Brutal Legend
Didn't even know this game existed until I picked it up over the summer. It was a fun little experience. Extremely unique, but I wasn't a fan of the main RTS element and the very empty open world. Music was fantastic though, and I really enjoyed the plot. Wish we had more games that went really outside the box like this. 7/10
 
Alpha Protocol
My second bad experience this year. I heard so many positives about this game, but I just hated absolutely every second of this one. The so-called story and "decision making" that I heard so much about was, IMO, a total lie, as none of the decisions you make truly matter, and not to mention they're insanely quickly timed so half the time you don't even know what you're picking. Im going to say it, this is just a very, very, very bad prequel to Hitman: Absolution (yes, I liked that game). This one should be buried and forgotten. 2/10
 
Wanted: Weapons Of Fate
Another one of my 360 pickups during the summer. Not much to summarize as it's apparently a video game version of a movie I had never seen or heard of. It's a nice little straightforward action game that's playable for its duration, which is only about 6 hours. Easily beaten in a day. 6/10
 
Heavy Rain
Finally got to this one after wanting to play it for so long. I heard it had everything that I wanted: Crime, Mystery, Noir elements....... and it absolutely delivered on all fronts. I actually accidentally spoiled the plot for myself a few years ago which put me off of the game for so long, but since I only knew the major twist, everything else was new to me making it extremely enjoyable to start to finish. People talk about the mainstream PS exclusives like God Of War, Bloodborne, etc., but not enough talk goes into Heavy Rain and it's later counterpart, Until Dawn. 9/10
 
July 2019
 
The Bureau: XCOM Declassified
Now I'm totally in the minority on this one, but I really enjoyed this game. Disclosure: I've never played any other XCOM game due to them being turn-based, which is why I gave this one a try. This game is solid all around, but where it shines is the setting. Some of the locations that this game puts you in, including places in New Mexico and CA, along with your base of operations, are very unique. Unless all the hate for this game was from XCOM fanboys who wanted more turn-based, than I truly don't understand what the deal was. This was a great game. 8/10
 
Tacoma
Again, not much to really review here. A walking sim in space with its own little touch on interaction and dialogue. It's very colorful and different from most walking space sims. If you're a fan of these types of games, I think this one might be worth checking out. 7/10
 
Gears Of War: Ultimate Edition
As the 3rd person cover shooter genre is growing quickly on me, I decided to check out the series that a number of people have credited with starting it. I also started out with the goal of playing through the entire series for the first time before Gears 5 came out. Ultimately, it fell short after this one, but I'll save that for later. GoW: UE is a great remaster. The graphics are phenomenal, and gameplay is smooth, and seemingly is the way that someone starting out on Gears Of War should start their entry into the series. The grass is not so greener after this one, but this game by itself is definitely worth your time. 7.5/10
 
August 2019
 
Red Faction: Guerrilla Remarstered
Didn't know how I expected this one going. I love Sci-Fi and space, and had never played a labeled destruction game before, but as soon as I stepped foot on Mars, I knew this was going to be a good one. You truly don't know how enjoyable breaking everything is until you do it, and that's all you need to focus on while playing this game. Yea other elements are there, but the destruction is just so damn satisfying that it makes this game just worth it for that. 8/10
 
Gears Of War 2
Man did I have to absolutely slog through this one. I've seen people credit this game as the best in the series, but all I credit it as is the game which completely killed any interest I had in Gears of War. You can only run through caves for so long before it gets mind numbingly boring. Not to mention the completely random story bits that this game throws in. This was not a fun game at all to play. 3/10
 
September 2019
 
Dark Pictures Anthology: Man Of Medan
After playing until dawn 3 years ago and immediately saying right afterwards "If only supermassive did an anthology series. I'd buy every game on release", here we are 3 years later and they actually are doing exactly that. While I wouldn't say that this one is as good as Until Dawn, it's still a fantastic game and one that all fans of Until Dawn should experience. Not to mention it has Shawn Ashmore in it, one of the greater lesser known actors. 8/10
 
October 2019
 
Risen 1
Remember how I said a far superior version of Outward had come out in 2009? Yea, this it it. This was the ideal hardcore RPG experience I was looking for. It had everything: Fantastic story, great characters, janky combat, among all the other things that I look for in an RPG. Perhaps the most surprising part of this game was the Dialogue, and dare I say may be the best dialogue of any game that I have ever played. They have some lines in this one that are absolutely hilarious, and the best part is you would have never expected a game like this to have such strong writing, which makes it even better. This game was so close to being a legitimate masterpiece if it wasn't for the last chapter in the game which almost killed my enjoyment in the game. Other than that, this is a must play RPG. 9/10
 
Far Cry 3
Another one on the long list of games that I tried years ago and decided on trying again this year. Far Cry 3 ended up being just an average experience. Cheesy story, tedious objectives (crawl up a tower, liberate an outpost, rinse and repeat). I did like the main missions though, and the setting was pretty cool. A better game than Far Cry 4. 6/10
 
Binary Domain
Boy did I enjoy my time with this one. This one is easily the hidden gem of all my 2019 games if I don't count the arguably more popular Risen 1. This game had it all, but more importantly, found a way to skillfully mix in an engaging and emotional story with a good amount of comedy. Not to mention, it probably has the best shooter physics of any game I've ever played it. It's truly a shame this one is not talked about more. 9.5/10
 
Far Cry 5
Decided to pick this one up after not minding Far Cry 3. Let me start by saying this: Far Cry 5 is BY FAR the best in the series in almost every facet of the series' core. I can't tell you how nice it was not having to climb up 20 towers in the game. Graphics were superb, setting was by far the best in the series, and so was the story. I also didn't realize how much of a powerhouse cast they had for this game until I finished it. Impressive. 8/10
 
November 2019
 
The Outer Worlds
Easily my 2019 GOTY. I haven't had that much fun playing a game since Mass Effect in February. I know I've said it a lot in these reviews, but again, this game had it all. I didn't have a single complaint about this game. Not one. Story, graphics, characters, world, all absolutely phenomenal. I was so glad to see this game get universal acclaim. It deserved it. 10/10
 
Rage 2
And now my worst game of 2019. This game was garbage. That is all I can say about this one. Don't ever waste your time on this POS. I can't believe I did till the end. 1/10
 
December 2019
 
The Darkness
This one was another slog to get through. The reviews of this game from 2007 are not representative of the game today. I can't really say one thing that this game did positive, at least by today's standards, other than offer a unique system of combat. Everything else was just not good. 4.5/10
 
TLDR;
The Good: Mass Effect series, Outer Worlds, Binary Domain, Risen 1, L.A. Noire, The Wolf Among Us, Sleeping Dogs, Watch Dogs 2, Dead Rising 2, Far Cry 5, Assassins Creed Odyssey, Red Faction Guerrilla Remarstered, The Bureau XCOM Declassified, Heavy Rain, South Park Fractured But Whole, D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die
 
The Average: Condemned Criminal Origins, Bioshock 1 & 2, Batman Arkham Asylum, Shadow Of The Tomb Raider, DmC: Devil May Cry, Thimbleweed Park, Brutal Legend, Wanted Weapons Of Fate, Tacoma, Gears Of War Ultimate Edition, Far Cry 3, Bound By Flame
 
The Bad: Crysis 2, The Technomancer, Outward, Alpha Protocol, Gears Of War 2, Rage 2, The Darkness
 
Now onto games that I'm currently playing/hope to get back to....
 
Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice (Playing)
Black Friday pickup. Really enjoying my time with this game, and after absolutely hating Dark Souls, this one has surprised me.
Kingdom Hearts 3 (Playing)
The games locations are so cool, especially after growing up around all these things... but the game is just so boring to play.
Little Nightmares
Not a big fan of sidescrollers but got this one for a good price. About half way through the game, just need to find motivation to finish it.
Fallout: New Vegas
Decided to give NV one more go and actually got into it. Unfortunately it's been paused due to me buying so many games on Black Friday, but it will soon be resumed.
Divinity: Original Sin 2
Enjoyed my time with it but the turn-based combat really just makes it a slow hassle to play. Honestly don't know if I'll return to it.
Metro Exodus
Wasn't a fan of what I had played, but will likely give it another try in the future before I put it down for good.
 
And now for games that have been retired, for the better good....
 
Resident Evil 2
This was my last attempt at trying to get into the Resident Evil franchise. After trying 0, 4, 5 and now 2, this series just isn't for me. I dreaded my time with Resident Evil 2, as I can only take backtracking through the same boring hallways with no ammo so many times. (Black Friday buy - returned)
Control
Didn't have high hopes for this game so I wasn't disappointed, but this game was just really, really bad. Easily the worse lighting/color palette of any game I've ever played, not to mention there's nothing interesting at all about the game and the combat sucks hard. I also had a table stuck around my character 3 times in the first 2 hours. (Black Friday buy - returned)
X-Blades
Just a bad game.
Recore
Enjoyed the game up until the point where I had to deal with BS and wasn't willing to deal with the BS. Didn't leave any lasting expressions on me.
Alien Isolation
I can't stand insta-kill games. I've tried to pick this one up on three different occasions, but the last one was my last straw. Just not a game for me.
Mass Effect: Andromeda
Bad game with the worst voice acting in a video game. What else is there to say?
Red Faction: Armageddon
Bad game that could've been good but instead is bad.
Vampyr
Another game that could've been okay but just fell completely flat on its face.
Ashen
Man, I really did enjoy my time with this game, but once they wanted me to through an entire castle with loads of enemies on each floor and no respawn points, that was it for me sadly.
Bully: Scholarship Edition
Just a boring game. I can see how it might've been fun for its time, but at least for me it doesn't hold up in the slightest.
 
If you made it this far, thank you for reading my 2019 in gaming review! Hopefully it helped out on some games on your list.
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Neither Truscum nor Tucute, this is what I believe.

I wanted to write up a big ol’ post of the shit I believe, and see if there are many others like me, who are stuck in a hard place in the trans community, where you don’t fit either truscum or tucute, you have opinions that both hate, and are therefor often silenced or shunned by both.
Foreword: This is HUGE. I did not make a TLDR, so buckle up if you’re planning to give it a go. I’m sorry, like, get a coffee and a bagel or something, maybe popcorn and a coke, idk. I wanted to make a place where I could put my opinions that were often deemed controversial by one or both sides, or topics that come up a lot so I can just save this thread to copy and paste replies from, but I talk too much, it got out of hand. I’m not going to trim it, because it’s really a post for me as much as others….
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I’ll start off with the big one: I don’t think you need dysphoria to be trans. Let’s just right into the DSM definition…
In adolescents and adults gender dysphoria diagnosis involves a difference between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, and significant distress or problems functioning. It lasts at least six months and is shown by at least two of the following:
  1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
  2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
  3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender
  4. A strong desire to be of the other gender
  5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender
  6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender
See the bold? The bold is what makes this dysphoria. Dysphoria is the distress, discomfort, pain, etc. From the things on this list. But potentially, you could have the things on this list without any distress, and still be trans, without dysphoria.
I'm certain there are many people who don't realize they have dysphoria when they do, but I'm not 100% convinced that all people have it. Humans are insanely complex creatures, and I think it's possible to know you're trans without getting distress from it, especially if you can transition early.
I've seen several posts/stories of people saying they knew and asserted they were the opposite sex as kids without dysphoria, had supportive parents, were able to transition young, and are now healthy happy adults.
I don't think we should be focusing if you do or don't need dysphoria to be trans, but instead encouraging people to explore their feelings and desires, to imagine their (realistic) ideal self, their ideal life, their ideal future. What they want, who they want to be, who they want to be with, what they want to be doing, etc. To look at the process to get from where they are to where they want to be in 10, 20, 50 years from now.
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Now that that’s out of the way, I want to piss of tucutes (No, that’s not really my intention, but the last one bothers truscum, so, we’ll take turns.)
I believe gender “is the Mental and Social aspects of sex”. It's typically broken down into two parts: Gender identity, which is how we feel our gender, our internal sense of self, and Gender Expression, which is how we display our gender (hair, makeup, clothes, pronouns, etc.) and how society views our gender (stereotypes, norms, roles, etc.)
Gender identity is something within us, from what I've read, it's mostly to due with brain structure, hormones, as well as hormones in the womb. It is not a social construct, although how we define it is obviously socially constructed (In the same way that how we define sex/race is a social construct, but both of those are still biological, physical things).
But expanding on that, the part I know that ruffles some feathers(with both sides even) is that it is in relation to sex. Human sex. In this, I believe that ones gender can be related to being male, female, both, neither, or any combination/flux in between those. And I know some transmed get uppity about “You can’t be both or neither” well, I look to science as a guideline, and since science has only come so far, I give it the benefit of the doubt. A person can be born with parts of both male and female, a person can be born with multiple “people’s” DNA(Chimerism), a person can be born missing parts, and people’s bodies change throughout their whole life. There is the POSSIBILITY that someone’s gender could work in the same way. So while I’m not saying it’s true, I will not argue anything against these.
What I will argue against is anything that falls outside the realm of human biological sex. My issue, in this case, is that it is not a gender. I don’t care if you identify as a doll, angel, bagel, animal, whatever, as a part of your GENERAL identity, but it is not your GENDER identity. And this is a big deal to me, in respect to trans people needing to fight for our rights for our gender identities to be respected, and access to medical care/coverage. I don’t want to invalidate people, but I don’t want people to lose legal protections and rights because someone’s claiming discrimination that people aren’t using their bagel pronouns.
I’ll also add on, I’ve seen some people getting offended by the notion “gender isn’t binary” or “gender is a spectrum” and I wanted to clarify that saying that gender is a spectrum, doesn’t mean there aren’t hard points along that spectrum. It’s not saying you can’t be 100% a man, or 100% a woman, it’s saying there is more than just those two options. Binary literally means that there are two options, if we admit there are more, it means it’s not a binary. This again, doesn’t invalidate men and women, it says there are more than JUST men and women.
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Next, Gender non-conforming! I actually did choose this because I said I’d go back and forth between them, but also I know it’s a hot button between the two sides. Honestly, like most of the things I am posting about, I can see both sides, but as you may or may not have noticed, I am fairly liberal and open.
There is nothing wrong with gender non-conforming trans people(or cis people, really), or non-passing trans people. Likely, it will be difficult for those people, the world is super shitty and judgemental, but we as a community, should not be pushing gender norms on people. They have to deal with enough shit as is, we all know how shitty it is to be misgendered. Helpful hints and constructive criticisms can be great if the person is asking/open to it, but don’t think that everyone is shooting for the same goal.
There’s nothing wrong with a tomboy trans woman, or a crossdressing trans man. Anything a cis person can do(socially) and still be their gender, a trans person can do and still be their gender. It is understandable that you may not like how everyone presents, I don’t like how a lot of cis people present, but how often do you go up to people and tell them “Your outfit makes you look like a hick, try a dress shirt.” Or whatever the hell else? If you don’t like how someone is presenting, ideally, keep it to yourself. Let them deal with the consequences of their presentation. Especially since you often don’t know any reasoning they may have for this presentation.
And definitely keep in mind, while most of us desire to pass, it is not always an achievable goal. It is SUPER disrespectful to criticize non-passing trans people. There are so many reasons people can not pass, many of them with incredibly difficult or impossible solutions. Lack of funds, health issues, unsafe environment, etc. etc.
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I hate egg culture.
Haha, tucutes.
No, but seriously. Egg culture bothers the fuck out of me, like, probably more than it should. I’m pretty good at avoiding it, but it does pop up fairly frequently on a few of the subs I visit.
On the surface, I don’t mind the term egg, or the general idea behind the term. But the culture, the way it’s used, bothers me so much, that I completely distance myself from it.
I get that the term egg is just a cutesy name for a trans person who hasn’t fully accepted or realized that they are trans, and that, in theory, is fine. But what I hate, is the culture around it, suggesting that GNC(Gender non-conforming) people are trans. I know, that that’s not how all the people involved in egg culture are, but that shit is perpetuated so much in eggy places.
Just like trans people can be GNC, and shouldn’t have to deal with shit from our community, so should cis people be able to be GNC, without others suggesting they are trans.
I know that some parts of egg culture are helpful for people to make light of their situation, trying to figure themselves out in a confused and supportive community, but I also find a lot of people come to other subreddits, asking “Hey, I don’t like (insert gender norm here), am I trans?” I also see a lot of misguided responses. And I’m actually going to get into this a little more, instead of separating this one out, but…
DON’T TELL PEOPLE THEY ARE, OR ARE NOT TRANS. Holy hell. No. no, no. You cannot possibly know this. Sometimes people will post and give you a good idea, that hey, they probably are, or probably aren’t. But not only are they likely not to be telling you everything, you can’t really know, without being that person.
In those topics, that I’m sure many of us see pop up constantly, asking “am I trans?”.. Tell them we can’t know. Offer them personal experiences and resources to help them along their way, but tell them this is something they have to figure out themselves. They have to look at themselves, their lives, their feelings, look at what they want, what they need, what they don’t, what makes them happy, who they want to be, etc. To reflect on what’s necessary for their own happiness.
I’m a huge advocator for while people are trying to figure themselves out, either thinking up, or writing out their ideal future (within reason), I think it’s a great idea to look at who you want to be with (friends, lover, family, kids?) what they want to be doing (job, hobbies, activism, etc.), who they want to be (appearances, titles, roles, etc.) and really trying to focus on what the most important things are to them in their life, what they need to get from where they are to where they want to be, and pros/cons of certain aspects, things they may need to sacrifice, etc.
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Not all dysphoria is societies fault, and don’t try to invalidate body dysphoric trans people.
As I mentioned, gender is not a social construct. And one of the big issues I have with this talking point, besides me doing a little “gatekeeping” by saying it’s related to sex, is there are people, who I’ve run into many times, who claim that Dysphoria wouldn’t exist if gender roles didn’t exist, and society wasn’t transphobic.
This is utter bullshit.
I understand that a lot of people have social dysphoria, I have some social dysphoria. I understand that a transphobic society is problematic and hinders transition (social and medical), but it is not right to dismiss the very real harm of physical dysphoria.
The vast majority of my dysphoria is physical. While going through first puberty, having the wrong hormones pumping through my veins was awful, torturous. I had tons of mental health issues, I was suicidal, self-harming, I literally lost time from dissociation. All of this stuff happened before I even knew I was trans, I hated myself, hated my body, it felt wrong. This is not social or societal dysphoria, this is physical, hormonal, body dysphoria. It is INSANELY insulting to hear people tell me that all my dysphoria comes from society.
It's also insanely insulting when people try to push the “Accept your body” or “Use what you’ve got” mindset on body dysphoric people. I’ve had two separate issues of other trans men telling me to “use what you’ve got” after I specifically stated I NEEDED all my surgeries. I am unwilling to be with anyone intimately until I have all of them. I don’t want to be touched with this body. I would LITERALLY, not an exaggeration, rather die, than have sex with the parts these people suggested I use. One of these people got very vulgar, sexually graphic, and insulting.
I see less of this in the spaces I’m in, but I still see people being very dismissive of body, particularly bottom dysphoria. I am legitimately happy for you if you don’t have bottom dysphoria, and/or can happily “use what you’ve got”, I don’t see you as less of a (insert identified gender here), but fuck off with telling others to do it.
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I don’t honestly know which side, if any, cares about dating trans people being transphobic or not, I feel like this is a more personal opinion. But I do have a take on that too, I’m going to post it the same way I’d post it to someone asking is it’s transphobic or not, so I (and others if they want to) can use it as a template for these replies, because the question comes up A LOT.
If you're not attracted to someone because they have genitals you're not attracted to, that's not transphobic, genital preference/aversion is valid.
If you're not attracted to someone because they have features you dislike, that's not transphobic, but trans people have wildly varying features.
If you're not attracted to someone because of their personality/behaviours, that's not transphobic, but trans people have wildly varying personality/behaviours.
If you're not attracted to someone because you require them to be able to create you a biological child, that's not transphobic. Although some trans people can produce children...
But blanket stating you're not attracted to trans people is definitely transphobic. You could have already been attracted to trans people and never known. By saying you'd never be attracted to a trans person you are making assumptions and generalizations on what trans people are, what they can do, what they look like, etc. It is possible, even likely, that this is internalized transphobia, that you don’t want to be transphobic, and that you’re not a bad person, but it is still transphobia, and it is still something to reflect on and evaluate why you feel these feelings.
All that being said, I would not, and do not, advocate anyone sleep with/be with anyone they are not attracted to, for any reason. Not only is that act itself not the issue(the issue is your thoughts/feelings), but it’s unhealthy and unproductive for the both of you.
If you want to unlearn your transphobia, I absolutely recommend it. Self reflect, look for resources online, spend more time with trans people, etc. If you don’t, honestly. Just use tact. Don’t put “No trans people” on your dating profile, (You can put “penis aversion” or “vagina aversion” if it’s an issue) instead, deal with it individually, when it comes up. If a trans person messages you, just tell them you’re not interested, don’t say it’s because they’re trans.
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FINALLY:
BEING TRANS IS NOT A CHOICE.
Holy hell. I will fight to the death over this.
It’s not, ever, a choice. It is something within us, that tells us our gender doesn’t match the one we were assigned at birth. We make choices about being trans. Whether to accept it or not, whether to transition or not, how we transition, etc. But we don’t choose to be trans.
submitted by DamenAJ to honesttransgender [link] [comments]

Have you ever lost to a Fake Broker

Binary options involve predicting the movements of commodity, asset or index prices over a short time. Although they may be a legitimate financial product with many licensed firms trading in them, binary options are speculative, high risk products that are almost impossible to predict, even for professionals. There are groups of scammers who use binary options to steal your money.
I would like to drop off few words about my negative and teaching experience with RB Options company. Like many others, I was contacted by the broker in 2019, and despite the fact I didn't have any knowledge about financial markets, got convinced by Peter Oaks, that I'll have all his assistance in order to make successful trades. Alright, sounds good, why not to try?
After putting a large amount on my account, Ive watched how my balance would go higher and higher. Ofcourse seeing this proof of how Im good at it, my manager Peter made me invest more over 50000 Euro. After a couple weeks of such magnificent trading, my account ended up over 340,000 Euro. An excellent opportunity to file a withdraw, no? No!! They released only 1500 in order to trick me invest more 100000. I didnt have such money at the moment and I was put on hold. Weeks after nobody would even answer my calls or my emails. It became very clear, that Ive become a victim of a huge and shameless scam. Time passed by and I was growing disappointed and very angry with my own naive.
Its really hard telling the authenticity of this online platforms only if youve had a bad experience with them after trading or doing any form of business with them. You can get in touch with an expert :hacknet (AT) cyberservices (CM) in case you have lost some amount to get it retrieved.
submitted by gregbaines to stocks [link] [comments]

Trans or gnc with internalized misogyny?

tw sexism and transphobia
Background for extra context: Ok, so as a kid I would say I always kinda felt a bit like the odd one out. I’ve always felt avoidant of what I deemed feminine? I always avoided barbies, skirts, boy bands, and makeup. I was ok with wearing dresses for a while because I didn’t deem them “feminine” or “too feminine” but eventually the more feminine I felt something was as I grew older I would start to avoid it. I don’t think I ever connected to being female. I remember around 5th or 6th grade was when I started wishing I was male(preferably just straight up genderless), because that was about when I started learning about different experiences of being male or female beyond just bodily. That’s when I started having intense crying sessions about my gender. Around middle school was when I started questioning my gender, but I’ve always tried to dismiss the idea of being a trans man because I didn’t feel like it applied to me. I didn’t even consider being non-binary because at the time I was watching a lot of anti-sjw YouTube (which really screwed me over, cis or trans). The vids about gender were the ones excruciatingly painful to hear. I watched a few mgtow vids and remember wishing to be like “one of the boys”. I eventually grew out of my anti-sjw phase thankfully, and my mental health improved.
Current/the main points: I remember binding my chest for the first time and nearly crying, but then later feeling indifferent. I remember wearing a Hawaiian shirt that hid my chest and nearly crying, then feeling indifferent. Nowadays, being referred to as female, and by she/her doesn’t sit right with me. I’ve kept dismissing the idea that I’m trans but I can’t quite let the idea go. I’ve always felt that if I could “choose” to genderless at any point of my life I would have gladly taken it. But on the other hand, I do feel like I automatically act really feminine in certain situations. I’ve never felt too happy about these occurrences. I often feel uncomfortable about this, and a little frustrated since they make things more confusing. I believe a lot of this attraction to identity as male is because it’s another option besides female and for a long time I didn’t know about it/felt afraid to identify as it. I’ve tried identifying as transmasc nb, but it tends to not really sit well with me. I’ve tried accepting I’m female but I can’t do that without balling my eyes out and feeling extremely uncomfortable. It doesn’t help that I’ve shown ocd like symptoms in the past with really bad intrusive thoughts and have very high levels of empathy (which I can assure u is a constant pain in the ass). It feels like no matter how I identify, I’m just eternally doomed to feel constantly uncomfortable and unsure
I’m sorry if I offended anyone because trans or not I’ve internalized a lot of sexism/transphobia. I know that people tend to really exaggerate the differences between men and women as well as often dismiss non-binary people as a “legitimate” identity. Thanks for reading my long ass vent/question because this was really killing me inside
submitted by noghosttoast4u to genderquestioning [link] [comments]

Looking for porter to help me carry my emotional baggage. (Part r4r, part lonely heart, part life story).

Prologue: Hello reddit! I’ve got issues.
I have never done this before, nor do I have any idea what might come of it, but I can tell you that this is probably just as much (if not moreso) an introspective essay as it will be lonely heart ad. I’m somewhat at the point in my life where I need to scream out into the void, and I hope that my honesty will net me just enough cosmic karma to get me out of this hole which I’ve been so unceremoniously dumped into. So, strap in; you're in for some u/rubyoobieoobie length shit.
I’ll leave you with a TLDR for now (because I’m not so callous as to make you scroll to the bottom for it): I have been to 49 states, flew to France for a date, solved a decade-old problem in microbial biochemistry and astrobiology, and am the dictator of my own country. I also have insurmountable trauma from my past (and only) relationship, but I still have deluded myself into thinking there is a hope, a person, a way in which I might someday move on and be happy again.
For those who want to know now, I am a 24-year-old non-binary, assigned-male-at-birth individual in search of someone whom has the patience necessary to deal with the above. Also, potential trigger warning for sexual trauma in Chapter 2.
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Chapter 1: Who I currently am.
I’m quite an abnormal fellow. Growing up as the autistic homeschooler of some shut-ins will do that to you, but there was always something about me that was especially aberrant. Skipping rapidly over two decades, a few highlights include attending an Online High School run by an Ivy-League university, becoming a high-school dropout, then starting college at 14 and graduating at 19. However, all magic requires a tradeoff, so I report not having a friend until I was 15 and not having more than two simultaneously until literally 2018. In many ways, I almost wish I hadn’t been homeschooled and was held back academically. I’m certain that, were my upbringing different, I would have been a nerd or geek. I could have learned to play D&D or magic the gathering, I could have liked Naruto, I could have become a gamer or learned to code. I am by no means cool or normal, but I have always lacked any sort of peers or social niche. I do not like sports, but, with equal fervor, I do not like fantasy novels. Both cause a lack of associations. I’m not necessarily lonely for friends – I do have them, and quite a blissful plenty, now – but this does show that, for reasons mostly beyond my control, I have always been somewhat of a loner.
My life, as it currently is, started when I fled a certain situation (pin in that). I moved from the west coast to New York City for a biotech job at a coveted research institution in 2017. I was so overwhelmingly hopeful because, in addition to fleeing trauma and making a good career move, I was moving out from my parents and ready to start my life anew in what had been billed to me for years as Millennial heaven. Brooklyn! Williamsburg! Dumbo! Midtown! Astoria! Tribeca! New York City had been built up in my mind as the place to make it as a young, urban-minded professional. Now, I must make a disclaimer: I was not a country boy heading into this. To that point, I had lived in 8 different cities in 4 different states, most of them major places, so I was quite familiar with how cities should be like. Apparently, New York, however, is not.
I hated that place. Trash, everywhere. Stations, crumbling. Inexcusable income disparity, half-assed parks, wretchedroads, and absolutely no scenic beauty whatsoever. I devised a 45-minute lecture on why The City (as it’s called) sucked so much. Suffice it to say that Chicago is the clearly superior American megacity, followed by Toronto, Denver, Seattle, and Austin. My whole life, growing up on the west coast (where cities ascribed to the novel idea of attempting to benefittheir citizens), I had heard of people who claimed that “all governments are bad, bureaucratic, and inefficient.” I had always dismissed them as crackpot old kooks, but, having experienced New York City for what it was, I all of a sudden can understand how someone who had lived their whole life in such places could come to think that way.
But the thing that made it most unlivable were the people. Especially at my job, but also pretty much throughout the whole region (Providence to Wilmington, in my estimation), the people were overly obsessed with “social coding”. Though an irritatingly imprecise phenomenon for me to describe, it is basically that people have a much more stringent set of acceptable social norms and shun you more harshly for being individualistic. The west coast is significantly better at encouraging you to “let your